This transcript was generated by whisper.ai.

Hi, this is Pastor Tom, and I want to welcome you to day two of our look through
1 Peter, chapter three. As we are walking through 1 Peter, we are seeing that we
are different as followers of Christ. And because we're different, everything
about our lives should be different, and our relationships should be different.

And one of the great ways that you see this is that Jesus puts into our heart a
spirit of unselfishness that you cannot find in this world apart from Christ.
Yesterday we talked about how this is seen in practical ways in the relationship
of a wife toward her husband. Today we're going to look at what he has to say
about husbands being unselfish towards their wives.

Listen to what he has to say in verse seven. "Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the
weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that
nothing will hinder your prayers. " Now for the guys that may have thought,
"Wow, I love that study yesterday about how my wife needs to be unselfish
towards me," don't miss this verse.

He's saying here, "Unless it's mutual, it won't work. " It's never a one-way
street. In fact, as you look at these verses, there's three things that he says
about unselfishness in the life of a husband, in the relationship of a husband
towards his wife.

First he says unselfishness has to be mutual. It's interesting Bible study here
as you look at verse seven, "Husbands, in the same way," he says, "be
considerate as you live with your wives. " What does that mean?

Well, he's told wives, "Wives be unselfish," but it's interesting. If you look
back in verse one, he says, "Wives, in the same way, you be unselfish towards
your husbands. " So who are wives modeling their unselfishness after?

That's the beginning of all this. Well, he just talked about Jesus Christ. At
the end of chapter two, Peter talked about the unselfishness of Jesus towards
us.

And then he says, "Wives, just like Jesus is unselfish, you've got to be
unselfish. " And now he says, "Husbands, just like you see in your wives an
unselfishness that comes from Jesus, you also need to have an unselfishness that
comes from Christ. " Unselfishness cannot be based on the other person's
unselfishness.

That will never work. Because the moment they stop being unselfish, they get
selfish. Guess what?

You have permission to be selfish yourself. And we all struggle. We're all going
to be selfish sometimes.

That's why so many relationships struggle so deeply. They're comparing
themselves with themselves. They're in this competition for how selfish or
unselfish the other person can be.

And when anybody has a bad day, then everybody has a bad day. When anyone has a
good day, then the other person feels like, "Well, maybe I can have a good day
now, but they're going to have a bad day pretty soon, aren't they? " The only
way to mutually be unselfish is to look back to the one who is always unselfish
towards us.

You build it on the love of Jesus Christ. It can only be built on Christ's love
for us. So husbands towards wives, unselfish love built on the unselfish love of
Christ for us.

He also says here that in a relationship of a husband towards his wife, that
unselfishness must be respectful. He says you have to have respect for her. And
then he gives two particular ways.

He says as a weaker partner and as a fellow heir. As a weaker partner first, he
says. This, if you look at it carefully, obviously means physically weaker.

That generally, not always, but generally women are physically weaker than men.
Men, by the way, are often emotionally or even spiritually weaker than women.
We're different in the way that we're made.

What he's saying here, don't make her weakness a cause for your disrespect. But
instead, you see them, the differences that we have, you see them as a reason
that you need to respect each other. You see them as a reason that you recognize
your need for each other.

So you respect your marriage partner. Husbands towards wives, wives towards
husbands, even when we see each other's weaknesses. There's a meaning behind
this that I think is significant as he talks about a wife being physically
weaker.

The need to respect someone even if you could physically somehow overpower them.
And so this is one of those verses in the Bible that helps us to understand very
clearly God's clear, clear design that there should be no domestic violence of
any kind within a home. And that anything that goes against that is total
disrespect for not only your wife but also for all that God has.

Do not let yourself fall to that temptation. Unselfishness has to be respectful
as a weaker partner. But then he says also, by the way, as a fellow heir, you
treat her as a daughter of the King of Kings because in eternity, men and women,
wives and husbands, fellow believers, we're all fellow heirs.

We're all standing equal before Jesus. We're all inheriting an equal share of
the joys of eternity, of the riches of eternity. And so to disrespect your wife
in any way is to disrespect what Christ is doing in her life, through her life.

And sometimes we get so caught up in the humanness of our relationship that we
miss, we miss the truth. There's so much more to each of us than just what's
going on in our homes. You're living with a daughter of the King of Kings.

You're living with a son of the King of Kings. That's what to remember on our
homes. Unselfishness has to be respectful.

But then he also says unselfishness has to be spiritual. You have to realize
that there is a spiritual component to what's happening in every home. And here
he says, husbands, be respectful to your wives and recognize if you do that,
your prayers will not be hindered.

But if not, your prayers are going to be hindered. The way that you love your
wife is tied to the ways that the Lord listens to and blesses your life. As
clear as a bell, he says that here.

Now we're told very clearly in Scripture that you are fooling yourself if you
say that you love God but don't love other people. But what's true of everyone,
having to love everyone, is deeply true of your wife. You are fooling yourself
if you say you love God but you don't show practical love and consideration to
your wife.

Such fooling of yourself is actually cutting you off from your relationship with
God. It is hindering your prayers. You're not able to hear him because of your
selfishness.

And so you're not able to express your prayers in the right kind of way because
of your selfishness. Don't fall into that trap. Don't fall into the trap of
using your wife and using the Lord to get what you want out of life.

That's pure selfishness. Instead, live the joyful life of serving your wife and
serving the Lord to get what he wants for your life. Sometimes we get so caught
up in what we want that we start to use the people that are closest to us, that
we most love, just to get some thing that we want and even try to use the King
of the universe, the God of the universe, to get what we want.

And so our prayers are hindered. Now as we walk through this today, the mutual
and the respectful and the spiritual side of things, I also want to make it
practical. What can you do as a husband when you get home, even on your way
home, to show this kind of respect, to show this kind of unselfishness?

The truth is, this isn't just about words, it's also about actions. When it
comes to love, you can talk till you're blue in the face, but your heart will
always be red in your actions. So what can you do today?

Let me give you five ideas. Just pick out one of these. There's one you can do
right now, wherever you are.

Even if you're driving in your car, you can do it right now. Number one, listen
with your whole mind and body. One of the ways that you can love your wife is to
listen.

Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is, by the way, one of the
hardest skills to develop in life. Become an advanced listener. I got an
advanced degree in listening.

One survey revealed that the average husband and wife had about 37 minutes a
week together in actual communication. And in most cases, it is not the wife who
is making it only 37 minutes. Let's just admit that.

It is the husband, because we sometimes are doers as men. We don't want to
listen as much. We don't have as much patience to listen.

One of the ways you can love your wife today is to listen with your whole mind
and also body. That means you face her. You actually look at her.

You listen to her. Number two, do what you're taught to do at work and practice
the 10 to 1 rule. Ten positive words to one negative word.

It may be that lately in your home, there's been a lot of negative words. Ten
positive to one negative. So if you're going to say one negative thing, you have
to say it okay.

Then find ten positive things to say before you say one more negative thing. I
know sometimes we spiral down in our conversation, in our communication in a
home, and it becomes negative, negative, negative, negative. We can't get out of
that trap.

The only way out is with the positive. Words of encouragement, words of love,
words of comfort, positive words. Number three, a third thing you can do is to
serve your wife in a practical way today.

By practical, I mean wash the dishes. By practical, I mean get her a cup of
coffee and take it to her. By practical, I mean some small thing you can do that
you usually wouldn't do that would say, "I love you.

" Fourth thing that you can do is tell someone else how great your wife is,
whether they're present or not. Just tell someone else, "I am so grateful for my
wife. I'm so grateful for my wife, for Shondell.

I'm so grateful for the love that she has for me and the impact that that's had
on my life. I told you yesterday how I've become more and more unselfish because
of her unselfish love. " Then number five, praise God for them.

This is one you can do right now in your mind, not towards somebody else, but
towards the Lord. Say, "Lord, I praise you for my wife. " That's one of the
ways, by the way, that you get to being able to say the words of encouragement
we talked about earlier.

You're thinking, "I don't know if I can say anything encouraging about my wife
right now. " If you'll praise God for them, he'll begin to put words of
encouragement into your mind. Let's do that right now.

If you're a husband right now in your mind, just say, "God, I praise you for my
wife. " Whether I can think of a practical thing to praise you for right now, I
know that you put her into my life. And I know that you want us together to
serve you and to love you, and I pray for that.

And whether you're married or not, I encourage you right now to pray for
marriages. And just say, "God, of all the marriages that I know, husbands and
wives, I pray that you give them, through your spirit, the power of
unselfishness, the power to love like you love Jesus. And when they're weary,
help them to rest in your love and to know that they're not alone, to find
strength in you.

I pray for our marriages, these marriages, in Jesus' name, amen. " Tomorrow,
we're going to look together at five attitudes to strengthen fragile
relationships.