This transcript was generated by whisper.ai.

I want to welcome you back to day three of our eighth week of looking through 1
and 2 Samuel together. We're going to look today at David's relationship with
Absalom, his son. It wasn't a pretty relationship.

In fact, David's family gets destroyed through these chapters we're going to
look at today. These are the difficult years of David's life, the sin that he
committed, the struggles that he had in his family. But we're going to find that
he trusts in God even through all of these things.

And we're going to look today as we look through this relationship of David and
Absalom, we're going to look at some of the things that destroy families. Some
of you should listen to this. You have a struggle in your family right now.

You know someone who has a struggle in their family. What is it that destroys
families? And then we're going to pull in where's the places that God brings
healing in those places that Satan wants to destroy our family.

What destroys families? You have to start with the obvious. Number one, sin.

Sin destroys families. Absalom repeats the sins of his father. Absalom along
with his brother Amnon repeats the very things that David had done, adultery and
murder, sexual sin and murder.

Amnon commits sin with his half-sister Tamar. He falls in love with her. And
when she refuses him, he rapes her.

Absalom is Tamar's full brother and he waits, he waits. He hates now his brother
Amnon for what he's done to his sister. So he waits for an opportunity to kill
Amnon.

In verse 21 of chapter 13, when King David heard about all this, he was furious.
Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad. He hated Amnon because
he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

In verse 28, Absalom ordered his men, listen, when Amnon is in high spirits from
drinking wine and I say to you, strike Amnon down, then kill him. Don't be
afraid. Have I not given you this order?

Be strong and brave. So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered.
Nathan had said this would happen, that destruction would come to David's
household.

The Bible says you see sins to the third and fourth generation. So what's the
answer to the fact that sin destroys families? I want to focus some on the
answers today and the answer is forgiveness.

Forgiveness brings healing. Families need forgiveness. Now we talked yesterday
about the fact that forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences for your
sin.

In fact, Amnon's sin was a crime punishable by death and if he'd been taken
through the legal system, that's what would have happened. But instead they took
it into the family and it became, instead of a legal matter that was dealt with
by the authorities, it became a matter of hatred and unforgiveness ruled the
day. Forgiveness doesn't mean you trust the other person automatically.

Trust has to be rebuilt and opportunity has to be given to rebuild that trust.
No doubt about that. But forgiveness means you let it go into the hands of God.

You recognize that God is ultimately the judge and you realize the longer I hold
this in my heart, the more destruction it's going to do. Sin destroys families.
The person who sinned against you and your family, if you have not forgiven
them, that's destroying your family.

Not only their sin but your refusal to forgive. Number two, bitterness destroys
families. David because of what happens and the murder that's committed lives in
anger against Absalom and in chapter 14, Absalom flees for a while but then he
returns but he lives in rejection from his father.

In verse 21, the king said to Joab, his army general, David said to Joab, "Very
well, I'll do it. Bring the young man Absalom. " And Joab fell with his face to
the ground to pay him honor and he blessed the king because David, just to
intersperse, David is saying, "Here, I'll bring him back into the town.

" But then getting back to the scripture, Joab said, "Today your servant knows
that he's found favor in your eyes, my lord the king," because the king has
granted his servant's request. And then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom
back to Jerusalem. But the king said, "He must go to his own house.

He must not see my face. " And so Absalom went to his own house and he did not
see the face of the king. Day after day he didn't see David's face and day after
day, bitterness grows.

Finally, Absalom is brought to David and they get to see one another. And Joab
convinces that this should happen, but the bitterness has already taken root.
Now there's an answer to this in the New Testament.

The answer is to show grace, to show grace immediately. The Bible tells us in
the book of Ephesians, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger. " David
deciding day after day after day not to see Absalom allowed this bitterness to
grow day after day after day after day.

If there's a bitterness in your family, don't let the sun go down on your anger.
And you say, "I already have. " Well, don't let it go down one more day.

Don't let it go down on that anger one more day. Deal with it today. Deal with
it today.

Go and seek forgiveness today. Go and restore the relationship today. Bitterness
destroys families.

Unforgiveness destroys families. Sin destroys families. A third thing that
destroys families we see in this passage is separation.

Separation destroys families. Just not talking anymore. The Bible says in
chapter 15, verse 13, "A messenger came and told David, 'The hearts of the men
of Israel are with Absalom.

' And then David said to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem,
'Come, we must flee or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave
immediately or he will move quickly to overtake us and bring ruin upon us and
put the city to the sword. ' The king's officials answered him, 'Your servants
are ready to do whatever our Lord the king chooses.

' And the king set out and his entire household were following him, but he left
ten concubines to take care of the palace. " In this chapter, Absalom conspires.
He gets other people to love him.

He has sort of a plan to do this. And then he sort of springs the trap and he
takes over the kingdom from David. And David flees.

And now they're living separately. And you see this great danger of separation,
of not working it through, allowing the bitterness to grow. And now I'm going to
take my world and I'm going to take your world.

And really what you want in the family is I want to win and I want you to lose.
And when that separation starts to happen, it can be in a marriage, it can be
between two children, it can be between a brother and a sister. When that starts
to happen, the gap just gets wider and wider and wider.

This is the danger of separation, of not working it through. Now the answer to
this, there is an answer to this, and that's communication. There's no
relationship without communication.

Deep misunderstandings, deep mistrust grows when there's no communication. So
that's why I almost never recommend a separation in order to restore a marriage.
Now separation for physical safety in the case of abuse, absolutely yes.

But it's not for the purpose of restoring the marriage. Because when you get
separate from each other, you start to mistrust each other. You start to take
every little word that the other person says in a wrong way.

And other people tell you what they're saying. It may not even be what they
said. And all of a sudden it just gets worse and worse and worse.

The answer is communication. I understand you can't always make the
communication work, but you can make it work on your side. Separation destroys
families.

Communication restores families. Fourth thing that destroys families, it
destroys everything else, pride. Pride destroys families.

We see in chapter 16, a great example as you read through it, of David's
humility but Absalom's pride. In this chapter, they both get bad counsel,
counsel that appeals to their pride. And David refuses to accept it, but Absalom
does accept it.

There's a man by the name of Shemai that we're going to meet in the last day as
we look through these chapters. He curses David as he's fleeing from the city.
And he's counseled by his counselors.

David is to cut off the head of this man who has so blasphemed him. But David
sees God's hand even in the curse. And he just lets it go and he goes on.

He doesn't listen to the counsel. Instead of reacting to his pride, he listens
for the voice of the Lord. Absalom, on the other hand, is told by his counselors
to lie with his father's concubines and show that he's now king.

And although it was a politically expedient thing to do, the law says that it's
a sin punishable by death. God had told David this would happen, but it doesn't
make it right. And Absalom chose to do the prideful thing, the thing that
further separated the family.

David chose humility. Absalom followed his pride. As long as you follow your
pride, the family is going to be destroyed, the business is going to be
destroyed, your life is going to be destroyed.

Oh, you might get better and better things. I'm talking from the inside out.
Pride rots us from the inside out.

Then we come across a fifth thing that destroys families in these chapters,
battles. Just full on battles. Battles destroy families.

In chapter 17, Absalom goes to battle with David. He just decides, I'm going to
go out and fight against him and end up in this battle. And the battle is, it's
a mess.

You see in this chapter, mistrust and confusion and betrayal and hatred and
death. What do you do? What do you do when you're in a full on battle?

How do you start fighting for each other again, instead of fighting against each
other? Every situation is different, but at the foundation is realizing, I love
that other person. Every person is important and there has to be a choice for
unity, recognizing their value and then recognizing your value.

There was a place in this kingdom for David and Absalom. There was a place for
both, but they couldn't recognize it. Because they couldn't recognize that,
there's this battle that goes on and on.

David didn't recognize it when he kept Absalom in exile and wouldn't bring him
in to talk with him. And Absalom doesn't recognize that there's a place for both
when he chases David from Jerusalem and now goes against him in battle. As we
walk through this, there's a sixth thing here that we see that destroys families
and that is loss.

Loss destroys families. In this case, in this story, you'd like it to have a
different ending, but it doesn't. The worst happens.

I hope and pray this isn't true for your family, but in David's family, the
worst happens and it does in some families. In chapter 18, Absalom dies and
David mourns. In verse 31, we read a Cushite arrives and says, "My Lord, the
king, hear good news.

Here's the good news. The Lord has delivered you today from all those who rose
up against you. " The king asked the Cushite, "Is the young man Absalom safe?

" The Cushite replied, "May the enemies of my Lord the king and all who rise up
to harm you be like that young man. " The king was shaken. He went up to the
room over the gateway and he wept.

As he went, he said, "Oh, my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom, if only I had
died instead of you. Oh, Absalom, my son, my son. " As you read this whole
story, you see that Joab kills Absalom even though David has said to protect
him.

David wins the battle, but he loses his son. As he loses his son, he does
something right and something wrong at the same time. He mourns the death of his
son, but he also ignores the sacrifice of his troops.

In chapter 19 verse 1, Joab was told, "The king is weeping and mourning for
Absalom. And for the whole army, the victory that day was turned into mourning
because on that day the troops heard it said, 'The king is grieving for his son.
' The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they
flee from battle.

" Joab, who caused this whole thing, it could have been a different story except
for Joab, he goes in and at least in this case, he tells David to do something
right. He goes to David in verse 7, he says, "Encourage your men. I swear by the
Lord that if you don't go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall.

This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from
your youth until now. So the king got up and he took his seat in the gateway,
and when the men were told the king is sitting in the gateway, they all came
before him. " Now there's a lesson in this, a lesson in loss.

And that is, no matter how great your hurt, don't stop caring for others. Joab
is not the man after God's own heart here, he stopped caring. All he cares about
is the political kingdom, making sure that power is taken care of.

But David, he has a heart for God. And because of that, when he hears you need
to meet with the men, he goes and even in his grief, even in his loss, he meets
with the men. The path to healing is in caring for others.

And you don't always rush into that, but there will come a day, and maybe the
day has come for you to start caring for others again. Sin, bitterness,
separation, battle, loss, those things we looked at, they happen in every
family. And so every family, every family needs forgiveness and grace and
communication and unity and love.

Our Father, we pray that your grace, your power would cover even those places of
hurt in our lives. You want to meet us there, be with us there, let us know that
we don't have to be alone there. So help us to trust you in those places, God.

And if we need to forgive, let us forgive. If we need to let go of a bitterness,
help us to let go of that bitterness. If we need to start caring for others out
of our loss, God, give us the strength that we don't have in ourselves.

But we don't want to live the rest of our lives destroyed by this. We want to
live the rest of our lives remembering this, but also bringing out of it some
way to trust you, to love you, and to love others. We pray for this strength in
Jesus' name, amen.