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- Welcome to day two of our look through First Timothy chapter three.

Yesterday we began a look at this chapter with a list of the personal qualities
of integrity in our daily lives. Today we're going to take a look at how those
qualities of integrity fit into our relationships as we look at verses four and
five particularly and then skip on to look at verse six and verse seven that
focus on other relationships. As we talk about these relationships, four and
five talk about our relationship with family.

Verse six talks about our relationship with Christ and verse seven talks about
our relationship with those in the marketplace, in the business community that
we might be in. How does integrity get shown in these areas? Well, Paul gives a
list of some of the ways that it gets shown in these verses.

First verses four and five, integrity with my family. He must manage his own
family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone
does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's
church?

These verses are very simply talking about the opportunity you and I have as
Christian parents, those of you that are Christian parents or are looking
forward to that or who are supporting Christian parents or your prayers for
them. The opportunity that we have to let our kids know the goodness of who God
is. And these verses reflect what's said in other places in the Bible about the
two main things that as parents we can help children to do.

As parents there are things I need to do for my kids. I need to obviously love
them. I need to nurture them.

I need to discipline them. But as a parent there are also things that I need to
help my children do for me as a parent. Ways that I need to help them to relate
to me because it helps them to relate to God in a better way.

And Paul uses two words in these verses. He uses the word respect and the word
obey. As a parent when I help my child to respect me, when I help them to obey
me, that is helping them to learn some things about faith.

In their actions, obedience, in their attitude, honor or respect. Let me just
walk through those. In their actions, obedience.

That's all through the Bible. Ephesians 6. 1 says, "Children obey your parents
"as the Lord wants because that's the right thing to do.

" Or this verse, "A well-behaved family "with children who obey quickly and
quietly. " Living Bible translates this verse. That simply says that any
parenting technique or book or system that leaves out obedience is outside the
clear teaching of God's will.

There's something about a child obeying a parent that teaches that child, that
little boy, that little girl about the goodness of God and the greatness of God
and the fact that we can trust God. Now I know we can go down roads with this.
Well, what about this?

What if the parent asks the child to do something that's harmful to themselves
or harmful to somebody else? Obviously God's command is higher than any evil
thing a parent might ask a child to do. But those are just a few extreme
examples.

99% of the time, that's not the concern. Don't ever fall into the trap of
deciding based on less than 1% of the time what we should do in a situation. In
every situation, you want to teach kids to obey their parents.

And if you have a parent who can't be obeyed, then obviously there is some talk
that needs to happen. But that's not you. That's not you.

You are living the kind of life before Christ. You love your kids. And so you
want to live the kind of life that helps them to obey you.

And when you ask them to do that, it is not prideful. It is actually something
that helps them get to know God better. And their actions, obedience, and their
attitude, honor.

And that just reflects what the commandment is. Ephesians 6, 2, and 3 talks
about that. The command says, one of the 10 commandments, honor your father and
mother.

And then goes on to say, this is the first command with a promise. Then
everything will be well with you and you'll live a long life on the earth. Honor
and obedience, respect and obedience is what kids do that make families work.

Now, for some of you listening as parents or who are trying to help and
encourage parents, this is where, honestly, Bible land meets fantasy land.
You're thinking, well, yeah, if only my kids would do that, yeah, my family
would be perfect. If only they would obey me, but they don't.

If only they would respect me, but you should hear the things that they say. And
I'm working at it, I'm trying, but they just won't do it. And you think it's
just not realistic in today's world to talk about this.

With all that they see on TV, all the input they get from their friends, it's
just not happening with my middle school child. Not happening with my high
school child or even my grade school child. I'm struggling with this.

Let me just say this, in a family with young kids, teaching your kids how to
obey and to honor you is one of your greatest tasks. And again, it's not about
your pride. It's about helping them to develop in healthy ways.

And let me just say this, what do you do in a family where this isn't happening,
where the honor isn't there, and they don't want to do anything that you say? I'd
say this to you, keep fighting. Don't give up, because realize you're not just
fighting to get your way, you're fighting for their future.

In fact, as we walk through this, I just want to stop just for a brief prayer and
just say, Lord Jesus, parents who are struggling right now with their kids, not
honoring, not obeying, or wondering what to do next, God, would you help them to
keep fighting, to not give up? Help them to see what to do next. And even though
our kids are not perfect and families don't always work out perfectly, I pray
that as they choose to not give up, they would sense your strength, and they
would know that even though things are a struggle right now, you are at work in
the midst of that struggle.

Help us to know that, Jesus, we pray in your name, amen. And that's not the
finish of our study. I know I usually finished with a prayer, but I just wanted
to stop right there and pray for you parents.

And let me just remind us before we go on to the next relationship, that even as
adults, there is something about honoring parents that makes a difference in us.
Obviously, there comes a time when you stop obeying, you become an adult and you
go into your own home. And there is obvious to me a time when you can't always
honor the actions of a parent, something that they did that was wrong or even
evil.

But you can always honor the fact that they were your parents or are your
parents. And if you live in bitterness and anger towards your parent, it's going to
make you a bitter and angry person, and it's going to make your kids bitter and
angry persons. So how can you honor at least the fact that they were your
parent?

Asking God to help you to forgive the other, how can you honor that? There's
something crucial about that in living the life of integrity. You live a life of
integrity in your relationships, you do it with your family.

As Paul talks about leadership in the church, he also talks about a second
relationship, our relationship with Christ. And he talks about Christian leaders
living a life of integrity in their relationship with Christ. In verse six, he
says, he must not be the new pastor, the overseer, must not be a recent convert,
or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.

What's he talking about here? I read from our research team on this, a lot of
them were surprised that God so strongly directed that a recent convert not be a
leader. And I understand some of that surprise.

I mean, doesn't God give all of us gifts? And so why wouldn't he expect us to
use those gifts? If I'm gifted to be a teacher, if I'm gifted to be a leader,
shouldn't I immediately start leading a church?

Well, it's important to see the difference between the gift that God gives and
the office that you serve in, the ability that God gives you and the level of
responsibility that he gives you. There is a gift of teaching, and I should
immediately teach, maybe in a small group, maybe with my friends, maybe
one-on-one or a few people. But there's also an office of pastor teacher, and
there's a responsibility that goes along with that.

And I need to grow into that responsibility. Now, why does Paul say not a recent
convert? Well, when you see someone who has great ability, do not give them too
much responsibility too quickly.

Because if you do, here's what Paul is saying will happen. They will see results
because they've got great ability. And what they'll begin to do is they'll begin
to credit their gifts because they're spiritually immature still.

They'll begin to credit their gifts for the results rather than the giver of
those gifts. That's the trap of Satan. That's the same judgment as the devil.

Satan's trap is the trap of pride. The idea that somehow I did it rather than
God is the one doing it, and I get to be in on what he's doing. Thank you, Lord,
that I get to be in on it.

So he must not be a recent convert so that somehow he doesn't fall to this trap
of pride. So he doesn't get conceited. Relationship with Christ.

Never put someone in leadership so that it might help the organization if it's
going to hurt that person individually. 'Cause in the end, that hurts everybody in
the body of Christ. Paul, in talking about integrity here, talks about our
relationship with family and then our relationship with Christ.

And then finally, he talks about our relationship with those in the marketplace,
with what he calls outsiders. Verse seven. He must also have a good reputation
with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

There it is again, this judgment, this trap of the devil. He talks about a bad
reputation here. He says, I want them to have a good reputation, not a bad
reputation, because if someone is serving in the church as a leader, or if
you're saying you're a believer in Christ, in this sense, every one of us is a
leader.

Whether you're a pastor or not, the minute somebody knows you're a Christian,
you are a faith leader in their life. So in this sense, every one of us is a
leader who is a follower of Christ. And especially if you're raised to a high
level of responsibility, if you have a bad reputation with those who are outside
the church, because of your visibility as an overseer, it's going to be made known
to all this bad reputation.

Yeah, I know, he's the pastor of such and such a church. Did you know what he
did to me? Now, if you weren't the pastor of that church, they'd still know what
you did to them.

You'd still need to make it right, but they wouldn't be telling everybody about
it. But because you're the pastor, you're well known, you put yourself out
there, they're going to be talking about it to everybody. And so Paul says, you
will be disgraced before all.

And in doing that, you fall into Satan's trap. And you know what Satan's trap
here is? Satan's trap is, Satan's trap is thinking that you can live in two
different worlds.

Satan's trap is thinking that you can make up for the bad that you do to people
in your business by the good that you do for people in church. Integrity isn't I
balance the bad and the good with church and with business. That's a mafia kind
of integrity.

Well, I'm really good to my family. I'm real loyal to the people in the mafia,
but I'm murdering people and I'm making money through prostitution at the same
time. That's no kind of integrity at all.

Integrity, the word has the idea of integrating. My whole life is an integrated,
every part of my life, business life, family life, sex life, relationship life,
school life, every part of my life is offered to God together. So he says, you
have to have a good reputation inside and outside the church.

And this good reputation has to do with character, the character of your life.
There may be, because of your teaching for Christ, those who disagree with you.
This isn't saying nobody's ever going to disagree with you.

Paul had a lot of people disagree with him because he taught the truth. So it's
not saying people are always going to say nice things about you, but about your
character. Does anybody have something they can point to where they can say,
yeah, they're telling people to live this way, but this is my experience.

It's the exact opposite of what they're saying. Paul here is not talking about
being perfect. He's talking about being consistent with what you're teaching and
about clearing it up when you've failed somebody in what you're teaching.

That's a life of integrity. As we take a minute to talk to the Lord today, let's
talk to him about these relationships of our lives. Jesus, whether it's in my
family, in my relationship with you, in my relationship with those who are
outside the body of Christ, the church, help me to live with integrity.

And Lord, help me to not get so caught up in wanting to get ahead, be the
leader, be recognized, get some applause that I put myself in places that hurt
my faith. Lord, put me in the right place at the right time, leading for you,
doing good for you, letting people see you in my life. Lord, I thank you for the
purity with which you live, Jesus.

And I pray that you would pour that purity of heart into my life and help me to
live it out today. I ask this, Jesus, in your name, amen. And we'll see you
tomorrow.

We're going to talk about the servant life of integrity.