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Here we are at First Timothy chapter 3, day 4, verses 11 to 13 today.

Let me just take a moment to review where we've been this week talking about
integrity. We've talked about pastors and overseers. And Paul gave us a list of
qualities of integrity in their personal life.

And then he talked about how those qualities are shown in our relationships. And
then Paul began to talk about deacons. And he does the same thing with that
list.

First he talks about some personal qualities in our lives that show integrity.
And then now he's going to focus on relationships. I like what somebody on our
research team wrote about this chapter.

In reading this chapter, overall I'm impressed with the twin ideas of grace and
high standards. Paul does not lower the requirements for the overseer or deacon.
But it's all in the context of this letter that abounds in grace.

And that's the truth. This is not a bunch of rules and regulations. This is the
grace of God at work in our lives.

And how this grace of God works itself into our lives in ways that help us to
grow. God wants us to grow by grace. And he's just giving us some practical ways
that that happens.

In verse 11, Paul continues to talk about how that practically shows itself in
our relationships. 1 Timothy 3, 11 says this, "In the same way, their wives are
to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temperate and
trustworthy in everything. " Paul focuses on wives.

And as he makes this focus, he really teaches us a couple of things. First, he
teaches us that we serve together. We serve together as a family.

Now, this does not mean that if I happen to be single, I can't serve God. Of
course you can. He's talking to people that are married here.

So he says if somebody's chosen to be a deacon, then their wife needs to be
somebody to have a wife who is worthy of respect. That may make you scratch your
head and think, well, wait a minute. Does that mean that if my spouse isn't a
believer and I want to serve as a deacon or in some other way that I shouldn't
serve?

Is that what that means? Of course it's what that means. It's exactly what it
says.

And you might think, well, that's not fair. I'm living a life for Christ and
they're the one who's not a believer. Why should I be penalized?

Actually, it is more than fair. It's fair to your spouse who isn't yet a
believer. That's who the greatest concern has to be for in this.

I've seen this so many times as a pastor. When marriages are going bad, one of
the places that people run away from that marriage, one of the places that they
run to is to ministry. I pour myself into serving God.

I pour myself into serving others. It's a whole lot better than going out and
getting drunk. It's a whole lot better than going out and having an affair.

So I pour myself into doing good things. And my spouse sits at home and my
marriage continues to deteriorate. And what begins to happen is my ministry, not
my marriage, but my ministry is where I start to get all my fulfillment in life.

And all of a sudden what I thought was a good thing has contributed to a
marriage that's lost or to a husband or wife who doesn't come to Christ. Because
all of a sudden they see the church as a mistress. They see the church as a
place where you're running away from the marriage.

Now, as I talk about this, I know the emotion behind this. I know that if you're
involved in this or talking to somebody who's involved in this, the question
comes, "Wait, I'm in this terrible marriage and my ministry is my only
fulfillment in life. You can't take that away from me too.

" First, let me just say this. I'm saying that the ministry can be a part of the
problem. If you're married, your ministry should not be where you're getting all
your fulfillment.

There should be fulfillment in that marriage. You are one with each other. But
second, let me just be clear.

I'm not saying you can't minister to others at all. I'm saying not to run away
from the problem by getting full time involved in ministering the office of a
deacon or some other position in the church, where all of a sudden you have no
time for your marriage. You feel justified in ignoring a painful place in your
life.

And then you feel justified somehow when the divorce happens. This is tough to
talk about, but I've seen it so many times. It's real life.

So that's why the Bible says if you've got somebody who's put in a position of
the church like deacon, make sure that their wife is along with them in this, or
you're going to split the family rather than strengthen the family. Paul talks
about wives in this. And he teaches us about the importance of ministry together
as a family.

But he's also a second thing before we get to the character qualities here. He's
also talking about the value of women's ministry in the church. There are some,
there are many who feel that in verse 11, it shouldn't be translated their
wives.

It should be translated the women deacons. And that's a strong possibility from
the words that are used in Greek. It's a very strong possibility.

We know that Paul honors a woman deacon in the Church of Rome by the name of
Phoebe. Now, I happen to think that this means wives because of the context that
it's spoken in. But either way, I want you to realize it honors the ministry of
women.

Sometimes we get this idea that the ministry of women is honored if they're
ministering apart from their husband, and the ministry of men is honored if
they're ministering apart from their wives. If we're ministering together as
husband and wife, or there may be times when we're ministering doing separate
things as husband and wife, in either case, in either case, our ministry is
being honored. In fact, the truth of the matter is, in the body of Christ, none
of us are to minister individually.

We all need each other and are to work with each other. So the idea that I
somehow need to show my individuality by being separate from my spouse as I
minister, the truth of the matter is we're not supposed to show our
individuality. And it's obvious, I think, to all of us that if we're one in
Christ in marriage, we should be one at some points in ministry.

And that is Christ honoring. It honors the ministry of men and it honors the
ministry of women. I know Shondell and I, my wife and I, we get so many
opportunities to minister together.

There are many opportunities to minister doing different things. But those times
that we minister together, I see how her gifts work, she sees how my gifts work,
and there's this incredible sense of how God uses us together to do things we
could never do on our own. That's God honoring the ministry of men and women.

I haven't said that about men and women in these verses, and particularly women.
Let's focus on character because these verses talk to all of us about character.
I know it's focused on women, but just as when we talked about men who are
overseers, and I talked to all of us, here with women, this is men and women
both, these three things.

He talks about being worthy of respect, not being a malicious talker, and being
temperate and trustworthy. That's character. That's integrity.

Worthy of respect. There's that word, respect. It keeps coming up again and
again in this chapter.

What does it mean? It means, take a close look at the word, it means you live a
worthy life. You live a life that's focused on the ultimate worth that we find
in our relationship with Christ.

It means that instead of living down in the mud, you live a life that reflects a
focus on the things above, on God who loves us. That's what a life worthy of
respect is all about. It's a life that points to God because you're living your
life in relationship with him.

That's integrity, worthy of respect. Integrity is also not being a malicious
talker. It's interesting how Satan will always try to turn our strength into a
weakness.

And if you're good at communicating with other people, if you're good at
relationships, Satan will try to take that strength at communication and try to
use it as a weakness, try to tempt you to gossip or to be malicious or to say
things that tear people down rather than build people up. Satan will attack you
at the point of your strength. He'll attack you at the point of what you have to
offer to the world.

And all of us have our words to offer. Are they malicious words or are they
grace-filled words? Are they building words?

Integrity is you speak with grace. And then a third thing Paul talks about here
is he says you're temperate and trustworthy. And I just love the way that these
fit together.

Temperate and trustworthy, clear-minded in judgment and clear commitment of
life. Those two things fit together. In these verses, Paul is repeating some
things to deacons that he said to overseers.

And he's talking about family here. He repeats to overseers what he said to
overseers, to deacons about the importance of marriage, the importance of family
in verse 12. Here's what he has to say.

"A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and
his household well. " And we didn't talk about this when we talked about
overseers, but it could apply there also. What about children who are simply
unmanageable due to their own choices?

In that case, should the parents be held responsible? Should it mean they can
never serve Christ in certain ways? Well, these verses are not talking about
having a perfect family.

They are talking about how you manage the real family that you have. They're not
talking about having children who never struggle. They're talking about how you
manage the fact that you have a child that struggles.

Are you managing it with faith? Are you managing it with heart? Are you willing
to make sacrifices when there are hurts?

The idea here is that there's somebody who loves their family. And managing your
family is not just about keeping the books. It is about making the sacrifices
and doing the things that are needed to do.

And as we talk about making those sacrifices, all of us realize that the reality
of life is that sometimes our kids do not turn out like we want them to turn
out. And things happen in life and they make choices in life that we wish that
they had not made. You go back and then you ask yourself, is that because this
Christian leader, is that because I made some mistakes or is that because they
made some mistakes?

And the truth of the matter is you're going to see both. You're always going to
be able to see mistakes that you made as a parent. But then you ask yourself,
did I manage with faith?

Did I give to them? Did I give my heart for them? You see, this becomes a verse
for some people that becomes a huge source of guilt.

God does not expect you to be a perfect parent. He's the only perfect parent.
And look at what some of his kids do.

So he understands that we have our own choice, that we can go our own way. But
he does ask that you love your kids. He does ask that you don't ignore them in
order to do the work of ministry.

He does ask that you and I don't feel like we can somehow ignore our family and
what God is doing there in order to focus on the work of the church. Because
when you do that, you're really hurting the work of Christ as much as you're
hurting your family. Now, Paul, as he comes to the end of these verses, adds a
blessing.

He talks about two things that result from serving well. Verse 13, he says,
"Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and a great assurance in
their faith in Christ Jesus. " An excellent standing.

Those are words that talk about the character of your life. That other people
look at you and they see you standing with Christ. The excellent standing is
they see you as a person who is attempting to live your life out following Jesus
Christ.

And then a great assurance in their faith. Those words in the original language,
the Greek have the idea of communication, the communication of your life. You
have great confidence in communicating to other people the hope that you have in
Jesus Christ.

You are working in your life to grow in your faith, but you also have a great
confidence in communicating your faith. And in many ways, both of these, the
great standing and the great communication have to do with sharing with those
who don't yet know Christ, the good news that Jesus Christ can change our lives.
That's the greatest blessing of all.

The greatest blessing of Christian leadership is letting other people see Christ
in you and then letting them be drawn to Christ. Not to you, but drawn to
Christ. There is no greater blessing than that.

Let's take a minute to pray. And Lord, that's what we pray for. We pray you'd
help us to live lives for you and that those we lead, whether it's the few in
our family or the few more who are watching us live life for you at our work or
whether there's many, many watching us live this life of faith.

I pray, Jesus, that those lives that we lead would lead people to you. Help them
to see that we are attempting to follow you and that any hope that's in our
lives, any growth in faith, any strengthening of love is because of who you are,
Jesus Christ. And help us together to lead each other to follow you.

We ask this, Jesus, in your name, amen. Join us tomorrow. Paul ends this chapter
with a focus on the church and a focus on Jesus.

And that is the right focus for integrity.