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Hi, this is Pastor Tom and I want to welcome you to 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
We're in the midst of, in the book of 1 Corinthians, this sort of a question and
answer with the Apostle Paul. And in these first eight chapters of 1
Corinthians, the questions have revolved around relationships, especially
relationships with other believers.

So we've heard Paul talk about what to do when you have a disagreement, what to
do when somebody else is sinned, what to do even when there were lawsuits in the
church. And here in chapter 7, Paul turns to what can be a more positive
subject, but for some was not, even in Corinth. He turns to the subject of
marriage.

He talks in just really strong terms from God's wisdom about marriage and advice
for single men and women, about whether or not to marry, God's clear advice for
married couples. Married couples, by the way, whether the marriage is struggling
or is strong, this is God's advice even for those who are no longer married.
It's an exciting chapter to me in many ways because it helps us to very clearly
see God's direction and God's will and how it works out in our lives.

But obviously, in order to hear from the Lord, we got to listen to the Lord.
It's amazing to me how often we want, even I want, to shut out God's advice at
the most important parts of our lives, the points of our lives where we really
need him. Our cars can develop the slightest ping and we run straight to the
mechanic, but sometimes we have a problem in a marriage and we just let it run
and run and run and run, somehow thinking it's going to take care of itself.

The Word of God, Scripture, doesn't talk about let's let it just run until it
takes care of itself. It gives us strong advice for the deepest of human
relationships, for marriage. And 1 Corinthians 7, especially the first half of
this chapter, is a kind of a marriage counseling service.

It gives advice concerning the relationship of marriage, practical advice, and
it applies that advice to a variety of people in a variety of situations. And as
we walk through this, what you want to do is apply this to you, to your
situation, whether you're single or married, whether your marriage is thriving
or whether it's struggling. Whatever situation you're in, you take a look at
what God's Word has to say and you let it speak to you.

Let Him give you strength to make the decision that's going to give Him glory,
to make the decision that's going to give you growth. With that in mind, let me
read for you 1 Corinthians chapter 7, starting at verse 1 down through the first
half of verse 5. "Now, for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not
to marry.

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and
each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his
wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to
her alone, but also to her husband.

In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to
his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so
that you may devote yourselves to prayer. " So here's Paul's clear practical
advice, God's Spirit speaking through Paul, advice to the married.

And if you want just a quick summary, he says, first of all, it's good not to
marry. That's where he starts talking, and we're going to talk more about that
at the end of this session. Secondly, he says, it is also, for others, good to
marry.

In fact, he says, that's probably better even for most. And then he goes on and
he says, "Truth of the matter is, in marriage, in order to have a healthy
marriage, you have to realize that you belong to one another, you've given
yourself to one another, and so don't deprive one another. It's good not to
marry, we'll talk more about that in a moment.

It's good to marry, and when you marry, you belong to one another, so don't
deprive each other. " Now, I'd like to focus on that last sentence for just a
moment. You belong to one another, so don't deprive each other.

Stop depriving each other, Paul says. The Christian truth of marriage is that
you belong to one another. The two have become one.

That's what the marriage ceremony is all about. It's the exact opposite, by the
way, of the world's attitude towards sex. The world's attitude towards sex, even
apart from marriage, or sometimes even in marriage, is, "What can I get, and how
soon can I get it?

" But in the scripture, the attitude towards sex, towards marriage, is, "What
can I give, and how can I meet your needs? " Instead of, "What can I get, and
how soon can I get it? " It's, "What can I give, and how can I meet your needs?

" And a totally different way of thinking, because we're followers of Jesus
Christ, and a totally more joyful way of thinking, less painful way of thinking,
more satisfying way of thinking. The Corinthians, by the way, were overreacting
to the culture of their day, which is very much like the culture of our day.
"What can I get, how soon can I get it?

" And in overreacting, they were denying one another in marriage. They were
denying sex to one another in marriage, rather than giving themselves to one
another, thinking that by doing that, they were somehow being more spiritual.
Now the background of their beliefs, by the way, reveals the danger of this.

They were living with this teaching that because all matter is evil, that
somehow the physical relationship of marriage must be evil. Well, matter isn't
evil. God made the heavens and the earth, and yes, it suffered a fall, but it's
not evil.

We're the ones that struggle with evil or good. And Paul is saying here, it's a
good thing to come together in marriage. The idea that things are evil, that
physical relationship in marriage is an evil thing, Paul says, "Absolutely
wrong.

Our God-given desires are not evil when they're fulfilled in a God-directed way.
The evil comes when we fulfill a God-given desire in a human-directed way. " Now
there's a lesson behind what the Corinthians were struggling with here that we
all need to learn.

And that is that God calls us to live an abundant life, not an ascetic life, not
a life where we deny ourselves all the time, but a life where we follow Christ
all the time. You can fool yourself into believing that real faith is the denial
of every human emotion or desire. That's not faith.

That's just pride in disguise. And so God's direction in marriage here is be
unselfish with your body. You give yourself to one another.

Now in doing that, there's a couple of things that we have to admit, just
practically. We have to admit, number one, we don't know as much about each
other's bodies as we claim. Even in our so-called enlightened sexual age,
there's just a lot of things we don't know about each other.

And the truth of the matter is, no matter how many books you've read about sex,
you still in marriage have to get to know the other person. We don't know as
much about each other's bodies as we claim. And the second truth is we can't
read each other's minds.

And there's two answers to those two realities. The answers are better
information and better communication. Better information.

We don't know as much as we claim, so get better information. Get better
information by reading a book like The Gift of Sex by Cliff and Joyce Penner,
but also by communicating with one another. And that's the second truth.

We need better communication. I've always appreciated what Charlie Shedd said
years ago, the honesty in it, in a marriage. He said, "The freedom to express
your desires, your sexual desires, is a great goal.

But for the first 20 years, it's more gold than reality. " Now, it may not be 20
years for you, it may be 5 or 10 or 15, but the truth of the matter is that
reminds us that if we're to give ourselves to one another, that's something that
is learned. It does not happen automatically.

And so when I give myself in love to somebody else, that means I'm learning to
love them. I'm serving by giving, but I'm also learning by giving. Those who
expect that somehow things in a marriage are going to work physically perfectly
from the honeymoon are about 99.

99% disappointed. The truth behind all of this is, as Paul talks about prayer in
marriage and what happens is that passion and purity make wonderful bedfellows.
And so the desire to serve Christ together and to love him together in every
area of your life, in every area of your life, causes you to have more
satisfaction and more fulfillment than anywhere else can be found.

I could talk about this for a long time, but I have to go on to the last half of
verse five and verse nine. Verse five, the last half says, "Then come together
again, so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. "
I say this as a concession, not as a command.

I wish that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God. One
has this gift, another that. Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say, it is
good for them to stay unmarried as I am.

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it's better to
marry than to burn with passion. Paul wasn't married. The evidence is that his
wife had probably died even before he became a believer.

And he had the gift, both in physical discipline and in spiritual disposition,
to stay unmarried so that he could devote 100% of his time to serving the
church. And Paul writes and says, it's good if you have this gift, but don't
pretend you have it. If you have it, you have it.

If you don't, you don't. How do you know? I love the practicality, the reality
of God's word here.

How do you know if you have the gift to stay single? Paul writes and says, you
know, because you're not thinking about women all the time. You're not thinking
about men all the time.

If the only way you can remain single is by involving yourself in sexual
immorality, you shouldn't stay single. Better to marry than to burn with
passion, Paul says. Now that makes some people uncomfortable.

I love it. I love it that God's word is so practical and so real. I love how
practical God's word is in this chapter.

As you read through this chapter, it's saying to us, stop being super spiritual
and lying to yourself. You have God given sexual desires. Instead of pretending
that those desires aren't there or that somehow they're evil, listen to the
strength of those desires in your life and respond in ways that honor God.

Whether that means you don't get married or you do get married, the subject is,
the direction is, how can I respond in a way that honors God? Now I know we've
just touched on this subject of marriage and what God has to say about it. But
what I love about this chapter is that it honors what God is doing in all
marriages.

It honors what God is doing in all those who decide not to get married. And
right now, before we end, I want to take a moment to pray and honor him
together. And in honoring God, would you begin by saying, God, thank you for my
sexual desires?

It might be a strange prayer for you to pray, but God gave them to you. Thank
you for those desires and I pray that I would express those desires in ways that
honor you. I pray for your direction in my marriage.

I'm not yet married. I pray for your direction about whether to get married. I
want to follow you, Jesus.

And so I pray that the issue in my life would not be so much what other people
think or what the world thinks or even what I think, but what you think, what
you direct. Help me not to be super spiritual about it. Help me to be practical
about it, to listen to how you've made me and help me to follow you.

I pray this in your name, Jesus. Amen. Tomorrow, we're going to see together
God's clear direction for a marriage that is struggling.